Dear Eric, I have been living with my niece for a year since my mother died. We don’t know anyone outside of the family. I lived with my mother until she had to go into a nursing home. I can’t work because I’m on disability and haven’t had a job in 20 years. I haven’t made any new friends in a long time. It’s a struggle to pay my bills. I have food stamps and go to the pantry, but they go fast. I need objective advice on how to move forward.
— Falling Back
Dear Falling: You are confronted with social and financial problems at the same time. No wonder you are overwhelmed.
Choose a small part of this seemingly insurmountable constellation of problems and make a plan to eliminate it. For example, if you want to combat your isolation, set a goal to meet a neighbor every week.
Visit your library and ask for help finding free local financial management services or literature.
You have experienced a lot of upheaval in the last year. It will take some time to find your way. Set yourself achievable goals, but also celebrate your successes.
Dear Eric, I cried when I heard that Amy Dickinson was giving up her advice column. At my age, this old heart is just so broken.
Another ending is upon me and I don’t know what to do with my feelings. Amy’s column has helped me through so many sad, horrible and confusing times.
She really helped, not in a professional way, but in a friendly, neighborly way.
How can I ease the deep sadness I feel at the loss of yet another wise voice? How can I survive in this increasingly cruel, ageist, heterosexist, and just plain mean world?
— No more endings
Dear Endings: I’m a long-time fan of Amy, just like you. We had a relationship with her that I wouldn’t want to replace. I couldn’t. But that relationship isn’t going away.
Many of the questions in this column revolve around issues with change. It’s human nature and it can be hard. It can feel like we’re being left behind. If we don’t want change, it can feel like the world is full of endings.
I’ve learned that while I can’t stop change, I can adjust my relationship with it so that I can be in the flow of change. I can also see endings as new beginnings, as invitations to dream possibilities, and as a chance to remember what was and what always will be. I wish the same for you.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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