It’s natural for parents to want to take away their children’s worries and help them whenever possible – no matter how old they are. No parent wants to see their child in distress if they could prevent it – but what happens when your own relatives start taking advantage of your goodwill?
That’s the dilemma faced by a mother who felt “taken for granted” after taking in her daughter and son-in-law. The 30-year-old daughter wanted to move in with her partner “rent-free” so they could save enough money to open a business, reports the Mirror.
The couple rented out the husband’s property to build capital while their new business got off the ground, but when they lived under their mother’s roof, they said they showed “a complete lack of appreciation” for all the help she gave them.
In a parent forum, the mother wrote of her anger: “My son-in-law owns a house in which they had lived together. When they moved in with us, he was able to rent it out. This allowed them to earn a living while they built a new business together.”
She further revealed that not only did she let the couple live with her and her husband for free, but that she also “provided ample meals for the family, gave them lots of furniture and household items,” and even offered them financial help.
The mother continued: “It’s about a complete lack of appreciation. They say thank you when they can, but that’s all. They haven’t cooked us a single meal in the last six years. They haven’t helped with the housework either.”
The younger couple was able to save enough to open a business and buy a new home, but even after moving out, they no longer appreciated the support and sacrifices of their mother and her husband.
The mother said: “We were especially hurt when they did not invite us to their housewarming party. Even though they now live independent lives, they still expect to be able to come to our house at any time of the day or night to borrow things or ask for things they want.”
“We always feel exploited and taken for granted. After the most recent act of freedom, I’m considering removing the key from the key safe so that they can’t get in when we’re out or sleeping.
“Is this just petty point-scoring or the appropriate setting of boundaries after, in my opinion, they have taken our generosity for granted for too long? I’d love to hear what other parents of adult children think.”
Other parents were stunned by the young couple’s audacity and gave the mother advice on how to handle the situation. Many stressed that stricter boundaries should be set.
One person responded: “Instead of just taking the key out of the key safe, you need to sit down with them and talk to them like the adults they are and tell them that they are independent adults now and they need to act like them.”
“By letting them move in and doing the cooking/cleaning/running around for them, you allowed them to be the teenagers they were when they last lived at home. You made the mistake of not assigning them some of the chores and bills from the start.
“I think if you just take the key out of the box, you risk making them feel rejected, not knowing that you now need privacy, you’ve done your part and now need your home back… then take the key out of the box or change the code.”
Another fumed: “You weren’t invited to their housewarming party? Why not? I would freak out, honestly, how ungrateful. Take the key away and tell them this is your home, not a free hotel where they can come and go as they please. Then maybe they would open their eyes and realize they have been behaving like selfish, spoiled children. I would fume with rage.”
Someone else responded: “Personally, I would sit down and tell them how you feel. It sounds like you have a good enough relationship with them that it won’t be bitter and hopefully they will understand why you are upset.”
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