DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently moved out of my parents’ house to rent my own place. My decision was influenced in part by my father’s OCD, which I’m finding increasingly difficult to cope with. My mother has been living out of state for a year for work, and I’m an only child. Even though I know he can handle himself, I feel guilty and torn about leaving him alone. His behavior — like constantly checking things and insisting on certain routines — has worn me down over the years, not to mention his extreme anger when things don’t go the way he wants. How can I deal with the guilt of leaving my father alone while also prioritizing my own well-being and mental health? – Growing Up With OCD
DEAR GROWING UP WITH OCD: At this stage of your life, you are not responsible for your father, even if you love him. You should talk to your mother and explain the situation to her. I’m sure she will understand, considering she herself was working elsewhere. Although she probably had to take a job, leaving you alone with your father was not the most compassionate act on her part.
You have the right to build your own life. Stay in touch with your father, but find relief in having your own place. As long as your father is not in physical danger, you should live your life. If he ever gets into a dangerous situation, call your mother and get medical attention. Studies suggest that children of parents with OCD may suffer from mental health problems such as anxiety and depression. Seek out a mental health professional yourself to help you get through this difficult time.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I write as a younger sister who feels a little stuck in her relationship with her older sister. Growing up, I was always jealous of my friends’ older sisters, who seemed to effortlessly provide support and guidance. They would give their sisters things for free, teach them skills like shaping their eyebrows, and even loan them clothes. In contrast, my sister did none of these things. Instead, she often made me feel like I didn’t belong in her environment and subtly excluded me. We are only two years apart, and now that we are both in college and still living under the same roof, I want to try to build a mature relationship with her. How can I approach her and build a better connection without feeling resentful or ignored? – I wish for a sibling bond
DEAR SIBLING BOND YOU WANT: I have two sisters, one of whom is two years older than me. For years I wanted the relationship you seek, but ours until a few years ago was more competitive and sometimes hostile. The good news is that we are close now and growing closer. I would recommend patience and acceptance. Do your best to meet your sister where she is. She is not one of your friends’ sisters. She is herself. Pay attention to her and what makes her tick. What makes her happy? What makes you happy? Ask for what you want in your relationship with her, but don’t ask in an angry or frustrated way. See what happens.
Over time, your relationship may change, but that won’t happen if you give in to your feelings. Build your life with other supportive friends and trust that your bond with your sister will evolve.
Harriette Cole is a lifestyle designer and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative that helps people achieve their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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