The summer cool-down we all needed is here in the form of DEMURE, a cold shiver of a term that has taken the culture by storm thanks to trans beauty influencer Jools Lebron, who sits in her car—kind of joking, but kind of not—explaining how we should all be: demure, cute, mindful. “No wingliner or lashes,” she instructs. Just some tinted moisturizer, some wig oil, and a desire to keep it cute.

This all feels extremely right right now. As PS’ Emma Glassman-Hughes so aptly put it, if summer was all about neon green BRAT chaos, early fall is the time to make an effort, quit the weekday drinking, and keep it classy. (See also: Meg Ryan’s fall.)

I am not particularly reserved myself. My spouse describes the way I open cereal boxes as “like a yeti,” and my general aura is best described as “nervous.” But I long to be calmer and more relaxed – or at least to appear that way. So far, LeBron has taught me a lot about understated makeup, perfume (always vanilla), and dressing up, but what about food? Since my personal and professional world pretty much revolves around food, a good place for me to start would be to find the understated in meals. But what is understated eating?

LeBron himself says it’s about skipping the chicken wings after work and eating salad instead, but I don’t think salad and mindfulness here explicitly mean dieting; it means being “just enough.” But is it more restrained to show restraint and skip the avocado, or is the cool simplicity of the avocado actually the height of restraint? Bacon clearly feels not reserved, just like cheese – but the French are masters of restraint and only eat cheese, so that doesn’t quite fit either.

The rest of the internet wasn’t much help; most memes interpret “modest” completely differently, portraying slices of workday chocolate cake, dripping sandwiches, and stacked double doubles as modest. Tiktok tradwives like Nara Smith are definitely the kind of demure person who speaks softly in a formal dress and takes up as little space as possible while making adorable handmade candy for her kids. I sent my kids to school this week with a pile of Beaver Nuggets in their lunches purchased at Buc-ee’s, a truck stop and demure deathtrap in Texas. (I did wear silk pajama pants while packing, though, which comes close.)

Demure is actually the exact opposite of last fall’s maximalist dining trend—less pepperoni cups and caviar bumps, more whole cucumber slices and Caesar salads with fries. However, I really hope we don’t all slide out of maximalism’s beloved plush booth and back into the world of light wood and long minimalist counters. I’m not sure my posture can handle another year of sitting on hard, backless chairs.

Perhaps it’s more important to focus on the “conscious” part of LeBron’s message—a buzzword that has unfortunately been co-opted by diet culture, but whose meaning should now be reclaimed: Be present when eating. Enjoy it. Appreciate it. Show gratitude. This means that spicy chicken wings aren’t necessarily off the table in temperate fall—as long as we don’t rush into them and end up licking our fingers sweetly afterwards.