If you’ve ever wanted to lather up your body while making scrambled eggs to make your daily routine more efficient, then… now’s your chance to rent an apartment where the shower is just inches from the stove.
Let’s get one thing clear right from the start: I love small apartments and small living. I love the idea of your space serving as a conduit to life, rather than a bloated reflection of modern consumerism and the desire for excess. It is precisely for this reason that I am leaving my reserved – very reserved — rent-controlled, 28 square meter apartment is like being carried out in a body bag. Or my body simply dissolves into soot and is washed away during a thorough cleaning.
The psychology of living in a small space is full of positive aspects. These benefits are all rooted, to a greater or lesser extent, in the idea that less is actually more, and that the fewer things you own, the less stressful life is – and the more manageable the upkeep of your home is. You gain extra hours in the week that you would otherwise spend maintaining a 900 square meter house instead of 300.
But that doesn’t mean that the line between healthy living in a small space and living in a small house at the expense of health is thin.
(A disturbing example of this is Hong Kong’s infamous “coffin houses” and the similarly sized “sleeping pods” in Palo Alto, which used vague advertising and lavish language to obscure the fact that they were souped-up bunk beds – beds that cost $900 a month to sleep in.)
In small rooms without adequate ventilation, the air can stagnate. A feeling of claustrophobia can set in. Clutter can become omnipresent; you can quickly feel like a hoarder when you move from a 60 square meter apartment to one half the size.
Sometimes the flaws are all too obvious. You try to cram too much into a space that is far too small. You feel as if the walls are falling on your head. Every square meter has to be used twice – three times, even four times – for something else (or many other things).
For myself? For me, the limit is when I can reach out of the shower and flip a pancake when the moment calls for it. At the time of publication, two apartments in San Francisco have showers just inches from the stovetop.
Two available apartments at 698 Bush Street are best described as Swiss Army knives – compact, versatile and putting functionality above all else. To say they’re “efficient” would be a gross understatement; these abodes cram every aspect of living into a space of less than 200 square feet.
They have tables…that fold into Murphy beds. Bathrooms where shower water bounces off toilet seat covers. And yes, these “wet baths” – quirky facilities that are not uncommon in San Francisco – are just a few feet from small kitchens that have two induction stoves.
How much would you pay to make breakfast while you lather your shampoo? $1,395 per month for unit #107 or #405 at the above address.
Sure, this price reflects a much lower price for an average studio apartment; according to Apartments.com, Most studio apartments in San Francisco cost about $2,210 a month at the time of publication. But considering that the average studio apartment in San Francisco is currently about 37 square feet, these two 18-square-foot apartments are actually a shitty bargain—doubling that square footage would theoretically bring the hypothetical new monthly rent to nearly $2,800.
San Francisco recently became the first major metro in the country to declare the use of AI technologies in setting real estate prices illegal, It’s both a stark dichotomy for a city that’s banking on technological innovation and a timely safeguard against unfair rent hikes. It’s a bit of a dystopia we’ve escaped (at least for now).
Now let’s do it right – or rather, do it right – the idea of what it means to live in a comfortable home where you don’t have the option of filling a pot with shower water.
Cover and body images: Courtesy of Zillow
