“So I have a serious question… When people shower at home, do they reuse the same towel over and over without washing it?” This question was recently asked in the Facebook group Dorm Room Mamas. With 192,000 members, it’s easy to understand that there are a few people out there who are a little off in their expectations of college-age personal hygiene. But at last count, 131 people had responded to the idea of an 18-year-old washing seven towels a week.
The shower question was just the tip of the iceberg of a helicopter parent support group. These moms (though there might be dads too) have asked what robes they should buy their kids, whether their sons should wear flip-flops in the shower, whether they should give their kids a fire extinguisher or even a carbon monoxide detector to take to school. Some even post their regrets about sending their older children to school unprepared.
One mom explained that the towels she bought last year “weren’t absorbent and didn’t dry him properly.” What’s worse? That the mom posted this or that her son, who is old enough to serve in the military, couldn’t go to Target himself to buy a towel to his liking.
But at least it’s not his mom saying, “Nobody mentioned it, but let’s add it to the list… CONDOMS!!!” To which another poster helpfully added that she would buy them for her daughter too. (Yay, feminism!)
Ladies, if your son is not old enough to buy condoms himself, he may not be mature enough for sex.
As for the age rating, one participant posted a Bitmoji of herself with a speaker and announced that she was “looking for inspiration on how the kids store their snacks, ramen, and mac and cheese.” There are also plenty of Pinterest boards with matching comforters, pillows, rugs, headboards, etc. But if your child is really into that sort of thing, why not just let them get started with your Amazon Prime account and a budget? Do you really need to spend months planning the decor?
Speaking of things your kid doesn’t have to bring, one post read, “My daughter didn’t come home for the holiday barbecue so I’m bringing her the grill! This all fits in her mini fridge.” Below is a picture of more than 20 sandwich bags filled with what looks like hot dogs, chicken, and potato salad. Have these people seen college dining halls lately? They have every type of cuisine imaginable? When you’re paying astronomical tuition, you might as well get some bang for your buck.
Other posts include a drawing of the bathroom with measurements and questions about tension rods, as well as a giant box of every medication imaginable because “not being there when she’s not well rips my heart out and tramples it.”
We can’t blame university administrations for the current situation. They’ve worked hard to get parents to leave campus after dropping off their kids. They’ve been educated on university policies (and why they shouldn’t call professors to get them to change grades). But those measures are no comparison to our never-ending coddling culture. It’s also possible that the pandemic has made the situation worse by limiting students’ independence and making it even harder for parents to let go.
You’d think that all the attention given to helicopter parenting over the past few decades — including all the jokes about it — would have had some effect. Maybe it would have made these moms take a step back and ask themselves if they’re really doing everything they can to guide their kids into responsible adulthood. But they can’t help it. When one mom takes her son shopping for “storage units” at Target, he tells her he doesn’t need one because the dorm has everything. She says she’s “surprised” by that response and needs the support of her online community to convince him otherwise.
There’s only a little over a month left before kids head off to college. It may be too late, but parents who really want to prepare their kids to leave the nest should stop the robe hunt, cancel Dorm Room Mamas, and tell their kids to figure it all out on their own.
