Jarren Duran dropping a homophobic “F-bomb” live on NESN wasn’t the worst thing that happened to the Red Sox this month.
This has been done in the table.
Duran’s on-air insult, the subsequent fallout, his artificial intelligence-generated apology and the two-game suspension by the Red Sox are being turned into gold by the Netflix documentarians following the “Season From Purgatory.”
Mediocrity has never been so convincing.
And while the 2024 Red Sox have provided fans and documentary filmmakers with plenty of golden moments, their roster remains 87.3% pyrite.
This sulfide mineral is better known as “fool’s gold.”
The Red Sox’s current chemical analysis was confirmed by Houston’s three-game sweep of Boston over the weekend at Minute Maid North, known as Fenway Park when the Astros are out of town. The Astros, no doubt with the latest deception technology in tow, annihilated the Red Sox. Houston’s lineup is loaded with real major league hitters. And the Astros’ pitchers are capable of throwing strikes that don’t land on the Mass Pike.
Monday night’s walk-off win over Texas? Just another shiny glimmer from a bag of rocks that sells for $17.89 a pound on Amazon. The Rangers were nine games under .500 entering Tuesday. They won’t repeat as World Series winners this year.
(Yes, you read that right. The Rangers won the 2023 World Series. They’re not alone. No one else remembers it, either.)
The 2024 Red Sox is a Ponzi scheme wrapped in junk bonds backed by mortgage-backed securities dating back to 2008.
They are more crypt than crypto.
Speaking of the vault, John Henry left his and returned to Fenway Park on Monday. Nothing piques Henry’s interest in his baseball fortune more than (allegedly) insulting comments from his own players or fans. The last three places in four years don’t even cross his mind.
The Red Sox’s surge before the All-Star break turned out to be what investors and pollsters call a “dead cat bounce.” The Red Sox reached a 16-6 record after falling below .500 on June 11.
The All-Star Break led to a sequel to “Big Short.”
The market collapsed virtually overnight.
Nothing exemplifies the 2024 “Fool’s Gold” Red Sox better than Duran’s Neanderthal actions.
He transformed Fenway Park into a playground for sixth-graders on a day the Red Sox honored Duran with the team’s “Heart and Hustle,” an award given to the player who “best embodies the values, spirit and traditions of the game.”
The rules of life are pretty simple. One of them is, “Don’t insult customers at work.” And, “Keep your insults to yourself.” Or at least limit them to the group chat with your four best friends from college.
Alex Cora has named Duran a role model for other players in the locker room.
On Monday, Sam Kennedy and Cora had to clean up in the “Geico Caveman” corridor.
Cora still believes in Duran’s leadership potential.
“I don’t think it affects his role in the clubhouse,” Cora said. “I’ve talked about him as a leader, and when I look at him as a leader, I don’t think he’s a terrible leader. He just made a mistake.”
One downside to the Red Sox’s 30.6% inflation-adjusted salary cut since 2019 is that the team lacks a top-tier, experienced player who can control the locker room.
Boston needs an Alpha. Right now, the Red Sox roster is full of Betas, Gammas, Deltas and “Caritas.”
Sing it, Simon and Garfunkel:
(Insert name here), a lonely Red Sox nation has its eyes on you.
Stunning. Stunning.
Xander got up and walked away.
Hey. Hey. Hey.
Boston was 9-13 entering Tuesday’s game since Duran won the Ted Williams Award as ASG MVP. Boston has been outscored 154-133 during that span. Red Sox pitchers have exhausted themselves to the point of allowing nine or more runs six times.
Perhaps Duran found his inner teddy bear on Sunday. Williams famously spat toward the Fenway Faithful in left field and again toward the press box during a 1-0 victory over the Yankees on August 7, 1956. Tom Yawkey fined Williams $5,000, 5% of his salary at the time.
The Red Sox just lost to the best teams in the league.
The Red Sox have a 13-21 (.382) record against the six teams ahead of them in the American League standings. Those are the Orioles, Yankees, Guardians, Twins, Royals and Astros. Boston has a pathetic 1-5 record against the O’s leading the AL East.
The best the Red Sox can realistically hope for is either the second or third wild card. That means a short series with all three games played in either Cleveland, Houston or Baltimore. (The best team in each division gets a first-round bye.)
In 2024, Boston is 3-13 against these three teams. That is also our prediction for the Patriots’ record on New Year’s Eve.
Translation: Boston’s baseball season will be over before Columbus/Indigenous People’s Day, regardless of whether Boston clinches a wild card berth or not.
Craig Breslow tried this offseason. But Lucas Giolito didn’t survive his second start in Spring Training. Trevor Story remains more myth than reality. A shoulder injury in April dashed his hopes for 2024. Triston Casas lives in his own metaverse. He is quickly developing into a mix of Bill Lee and Manny Ramirez.
Talk of their possible return will undoubtedly rekindle hopes of a playoff run.
But remember: All that glitters is not gold.
Especially in Fenway Park.
Bill Speros (@RealOBF and @BillSperos on X) can be reached at [email protected]
