DEAR ABBY: My husband and I moved to a neighborhood a few years ago where most of the residents are our age, and we have become friends with the widow next door. My husband and I help her with any minor household problems and light yard work. We enjoy doing this. She and I also meet for coffee occasionally.

She recently called us and invited us to dinner with her sister (who we met) and her sister’s husband. Abby, I don’t want to start socializing with her at dinner. My husband and I are introverts and I have anxiety issues. Even though I have occasionally had small-scale guests over the years (usually just a couple), I get extremely anxious and feel miserable until it’s over. I want my retirement years to be as stress-free as possible. We are also very picky about the food we eat. She occasionally sends over food that I end up throwing away.

Her brother lives very close by, keeps to himself and doesn’t interact with the neighbors. I’m thinking of telling her (or using the excuse) that my husband is a lot like her brother and has no interest in meeting for dinner. Is that rude or is there a more polite way to say it? – STRESS-FREE SEARCH IN THE EAST

DEAR SEEKERS: Your neighbor may have invited you to dinner to thank you for the many favors you and your husband have done for her. Do NOT tell her your husband is “like her brother,” because you don’t know why her brother is the way he is.

A better solution to your problem would be to be honest. Tell her that you enjoy having coffee together every now and then, but you have anxiety issues, so even though you like her very much, you wouldn’t feel comfortable hanging out with her sister and brother-in-law.

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Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.