DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was performing in a local theater production that was well received. One of our performances was attended by my best friend, who brought his lovely wife and two wonderful children.
After my performance, my friend and his family were waiting for me to congratulate me and invite me to go with them to a nearby ice cream parlor. Since they always like to spend time with them, I gratefully accepted the invitation.
As we sat at our table enjoying our refreshments and I heard what they thought about my performance, a man came to our table and immediately started talking to me about the production.
While I’m grateful that he supports local art and that he enjoyed our production, I’m uncomfortable being approached by strangers while I’m out eating with friends, especially since he seems to have no interest in even acknowledging my friends.
Should I have explained that I was having dinner with friends and apologized, or introduced this gentleman (who addressed me by name but never mentioned his) to my table neighbors?
In fact, he talked for several seconds, although it seemed much longer, about how much he enjoyed our production and what he liked best about the show. I thanked him and he left. My friends, at least, were very understanding and seemed content to listen to our exchange in quiet amusement.
After he left, I apologized for interrupting. My friends seemed to take it in their stride, perhaps recognizing the awkwardness and my uncertainty about how to handle the situation.
How should I have handled this? Of course, I don’t want to upset anyone in the audience who is grateful to me, but I certainly don’t want to be disturbed in the company of good friends, especially by someone who ignores them to talk to me.
I am sure I have not done this very well, so I turn to Miss Manners and ask for her wise advice.
DEAR READER: If such an exchange lasts longer than those few seconds, Miss Manners wisely recommends telling the gentleman that you appreciate his compliments but are out with friends you haven’t seen in a long time. Taking the opportunity to introduce them to each other can help ease the rebuff.
However, if you aspire to a life in the arts and offer performances as good as this gentleman says, you should get used to addressing your fans – politely, but with boundaries.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I belong to several women’s groups. Often some of them and other friends make comments like, “You can’t give up or die (I’m 77) before I do and leave myself here all alone.”
This may be seen as flattery (they can’t live without me!), but my reaction is more like: “Thank you very much. Who am I supposed to have available for ME all the time now?”
I need to find a way to respond to these comments that doesn’t sound so annoying. I also don’t want to make them feel bad if they think they’re compliments. What can I say?
DEAR READER: “As you know, this is beyond our control.”
Please send your questions to Miss Manners via her website, www.missmanners.com; to your email, [email protected]; or by mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
