Dear Eric, I am a 33-year-old man with Autism Spectrum Disorder. I have a friend, “Katie,” who has been a big part of my life for the past few years. I have been a mentor and friend to her three little boys and she has been a good friend to me in return.
Katie suffers from severe anxiety (she considers herself neurodiverse and possibly high functioning autism). She was recently facing eviction from her apartment and my dad made sure Katie could stay in her apartment.
Katie received more than $10,000 to pay off the back rent. However, since then, Katie has not texted or called me or my dad. We have not heard from her in weeks. We are confused and, frankly, upset that our generosity is being rewarded with such behavior.
– Taken for granted
Dear Granted: It’s possible that Katie’s radio silence is a sign of executive dysfunction, which many neurodiverse people have. The prospect of thanking you and your father for your help may seem like a daunting task that becomes more daunting as time goes on.
Whatever the reason, the easiest – and kindest – way to clear things up is to reach out and ask. You and Katie have a long history together. Something has happened on her side that’s messed it up. Maybe she’s overwhelmed, maybe it’s rudeness, maybe she’s embarrassed. Call her to reconnect. Find out what’s going on in her life. And as a friend, let her know how her behavior has affected you.
Dear Eric, This is a response to News Blues’ letter (June 14). I thought your advice was wonderful. Once upon a time, I was News Blues’ constantly negative father, and I didn’t realize I was doing it. It took me many years (and hard, conscious work) to change my attitude. Now I take my time before I speak, and think about what I’m going to say. I look for the positive in the situation and identify it.
Regarding the “news blues”: Be patient with your father. He has been stuck in this thought process for many, many years. It will be difficult for him to get over it. When you talk to your father, point out the positives you see in your situation. Help him see that the positives outweigh the negatives. Most likely, he is worried about you and is concerned.
– No more Eeyore
Dear More, thank you for sharing your story with us! It’s helpful to hear your perspective and know that we all have the ability to change long-standing habits.
Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rricthomas.com.
